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Sep. 17th, 2007


Where are you?

Where are you?
I've been searching for the same scent.
The touch was so personal.
I miss that annoying noise which i find it cute.
I miss your presence beside me when darkness fall.
Helpless and souless without you.
A part of me is you. 
Teach me how to get you out of my system. 
Please do. 
I'm fading away slowly.
I wonder if i can get through this, damn. 


Sep. 15th, 2007



It was terrifying and strangely sensual.

I had a dream that I was stabbed.
I was taking out the trash at my work late at night and a shard of something sharp went straight into my stomach.
I could FEEL the blood seeping from my body.
I could FEEL the weakness in my knees- it felt like the blood in my body was draining from the top of my head..down.

I pushed a dirty rag against my stomach until I could feel the tops of my ribs,
Trying to yell for help
But the pain was so intense I could barely gasp.
Finally a scream for help erupted from my heart
I was lifted in large strong arms
A man that wasn't quite a man- a werewolf man.
Him and a smaller man placed me in a tiny plane and flew me to the town where I lived before here.
I was wrapped in warm fur and it felt sexual.
I told them I had to go to Wal-mart for new clothes.


Fuck em'

Peel away beauty.
You'll find only pointed bone.
Lust pulsing threw exposed veins.
Nothing left of us but that.
To much has been torn from our closed fists.
But still I hang on.
Praying for the love to return,
to those hollow brown eyes.
I hear your heart beating,
muffled only by your breathing.
It's the rythem that runs my life.

Sep. 12th, 2007



Bum Shuffle

there are a lot of homeless people where I live. A lot. Every day I am hassled to give away the money I scrape shit for and every day I feel scared when I walk home alone at night.

"Do not go walking alone at night." I got that fortune cookie twice in a row before.
Makes you wonder.

~~Slipping into the shadows of the gutters, I cruised my way home. Black knee high boots laced tight for a good sprint if I needed to.
Before I closed up the bar I shoved my tips into my bra and under a breast- no one was gonna stop me at gunpoint and say "Bitch! I know the money's in the bra!"- no. The air was thick with humidity and slathered my face in a coat of sweat that was as shiny as candy coating.

I heard footsteps that were not my own patting the ground behind me steadily and fear struck down into my heart like a hot knife. Anxiety gripped my stomach and  pressed my feet faster into what seemed to me like a muddy road- pulling me down, making me slower.

The smell of desperate circumstances wafted in my direction when I took a sidelong glance behind my shoulder-
"Fuck off!!" Those were the only words I apparently could muster from dry lips and quick breathe.

I then ripped a hole through time and space and stepped up onto my apartment buildings' steps. I punched the code in, bruising my fingertips...

I closed the door abruptly behind me and raced up four flights of stairs.
I was scared. I felt alone. I felt violated for the fact that I had fear on my skin and clothes and that just pissed me right off.

How dare people?
What the hell?~~

*I wish I knew martial arts.*

I wish I had a shotgun with rubber bullets.

Or a sling shot.

Sep. 11th, 2007


The weeping weak.

A hand full of broken hearts,
but none of them taste like you.
I smell you on my bed sheets,
bringing back burning memories.
He said "Thanks for the love and all the heart ache"
I said "Welcome to the real world."

Seeing you for the first time,
threw eyes sown shut.
Touching him reminded me of you.
Cold hearted to the core,
nothing like the sobs of the weak to put you to sleep.

I drank you down,
but only for a moment.
thoughts of you flashing by like slidshows,
as the room spins in unison.


I hate my dreams

In this one, dad had gone missing while we lived in the mountains.
He was gone for all day and a night, mother was beginning to worry and the snow was beginning to thicken all over the woods.
I set out in search of him and fell upon a cabin that looked lived in.
I entered only to find myself getting wrapped up in a murder.
Two men were holding up three people, and then I stumble in and they take hold of me as well.
My father was nowhere to be found.

The men attacked me and the others with brute force and angry words, but of course
I escaped! Running through the woods with feelings of anxiety so strong I should have puked in my sleep.

I found my father then-
He came home drunk as a skunk with a couple of my old friends. They apparently went to my friend Tom's cabin and got shwrilly
off something that wasn't supposed to drink.

Mother was in tears, uncontrollable, pissed, her feelings of being alone almost too much to bare.
Please don't feel wronged, ma! I'm here.

Dad doesn't even know what he has done, he's so fucking drunk and the snow is pressing in on the windows.
I feel suffocated and tearful..

But at least I found him and he is home now.

I woke up.
Fucking dreams.

Sep. 10th, 2007



Beauty in a box.

September 2007



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